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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
caffeinewitchcraft
writing-prompt-s

You never knew your birth parents, growing up across the country in orphanages. While alone you learned to cook and shared your meals across the world, eventually owning your own business. One day you suddenly find out what your parents were. They were Fae… you’ve fed thousands Fae Food.

caffeinewitchcraft

The call from your New York restaurant comes at 2am their time which is a sensible 11pm your time.

“Boss, we need you,” the manager says. Hercules – the name he chose for himself when he first started working for you – doesn’t scare easily. He can’t, not while running three of your restaurants in the cesspool that is New York city. “Someone just drove a truck through the flagship.”

You’re already out of bed and out the door. “I’ll be there before the sun comes up.”

Hercules’ relief bleeds through the phone. “Thank you.

“You’re my right arm, Hercules,” you say. You’re wearing the plaid pajama set Mercedes, your left arm and the woman who runs your LA restaurants, gave you for your birthday. You can buy clothes in New York. “Thank you.

Your Thank yous are far and few between. They’ve always felt awkward in your mouth and worse leaving it. But Hercules is one of yours and it’s easy to volley the words back, to not accept his gratitude in the face of his loyalty. No thanks needed. You’re part of me.

Hercules swallows hard. He knows you well. “Boss.”

“Hercules.”

You hang up at the same time.

Los Angeles is still awake as you roar onto the streets. Your motorcycle is the same one you bought when your first restaurant started turning a profit. Prodigal. The name of it is carved into the body. The streets are damp from a rare spot of rain. You’d gotten caught in it while leaving Queen earlier. It had felt like a bad omen then and your lip curls as the moisture sprays up under your tires now.

You should always listen to your gut.

Keep reading

the fae i love this food story
leebrontide
affixjoy

September 2024 PSA:

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introvertia

Do it! It took me less than a minute to place my order. You’ll have a fast and free way to test yourself for COVID and protect your loved ones.

fieldbears

You do not need any credit card or payment form. You just enter your name and mailing address and they send you this shit for free. It is really that easy.

About once a fortnight I dream about the boy I had a crush on in grade school. He’s almost always the love interest. Sometimes lustful, sometimes innocent and precious. Last night he was trying to propose with a ring from the family vault that had belonged to a recently deceased aunt. (His mom [off camera] was mad about this.)


I have not, to my knowledge, seen him in twenty years. He has zero internet presence. It’s possible that my high school friends still have contact with him, but even the concept of asking after him because of this dream feels awkward. [I accept the possibility that this former classmate is trans and that’s why I can’t find her.]

dreams old crushes where did he go?
larksongkitty
frownyalfred

Tips for writing those gala scenes, from someone who goes to them occasionally:

  • Generally you unbutton and re-button a suit coat when you sit down and stand up.
  • You’re supposed to hold wine or champagne glasses by the stem to avoid warming up the liquid inside. A character out of their depth might hold the glass around the sides instead.
  • When rich/important people forget your name and they’re drunk, they usually just tell you that they don’t remember or completely skip over any opportunity to use your name so they don’t look silly.
  • A good way to indicate you don’t want to shake someone’s hand at an event is to hold a drink in your right hand (and if you’re a woman, a purse in the other so you definitely can’t shift the glass to another hand and then shake)
  • Americans who still kiss cheeks as a welcome generally don’t press lips to cheeks, it’s more of a touch of cheek to cheek or even a hover (these days, mostly to avoid smudging a woman’s makeup)
  • The distinctions between dress codes (black tie, cocktail, etc) are very intricate but obvious to those who know how to look. If you wear a short skirt to a black tie event for example, people would clock that instantly even if the dress itself was very formal. Same thing goes for certain articles of men’s clothing.
  • Open bars / cash bars at events usually carry limited options. They’re meant to serve lots of people very quickly, so nobody is getting a cosmo or a Manhattan etc.
  • Members of the press generally aren’t allowed to freely circulate at nicer galas/events without a very good reason. When they do, they need to identify themselves before talking with someone.
reference
leebrontide
leebrontide

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Hi everyone!

I'm asking for a (free) favor from y'all.

I'm trying to get more people to sign up for my free monthly author newsletter, and I'd love for you to help me find people who might enjoy it.

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leebrontide

This month's Shed Letters is now out!

But also a fond reminder that if you subscribe to please also open the email- because spam filers pay attention to emails opened vs emails received.

leebrontide

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This month's Shed Letters is out! This time it's about how brains break, and how I want to use that to make really messed up stories about mechs!

Check it out here!

Upcoming subjects include:

  • designing a fictional cult based on real psychological principles
  • the neurological basis for body maps
  • multi-generational found family dynamics
  • universal translators
leebrontide

Hey folks, if you sign up before this Sunday you will get this months letter, which includes the psychological functioning of cults (since I'm designing one for Brittle Idols) and my official stance on AI, since I have AI in my books and people have been asking- comes complete with research links aplenty for your perusal!

And also, more cat pictures.

Link to signups above.

vaspider
nonebinary-leftbeef

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NO WAY

wizard-council-bureaucrat

I’ve been doxxed 😨

thetetra

I once worked on a phone campaign to disallow the trees around your crater from being cut down...

wizard-council-bureaucrat

I am deeply deeply in love with you 💙 Thanks so much for your conservation effort!

It’s the small things we all do together that can make a big difference! 💙💙💙💙 And you’ve done it!!!

pacificnorthwesterngothic

People just gotta know what Crater Lake and Wizard Island looks like

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silent-calling

What in the Skyrim

jenroses

been there several times. And yeah, Skyrim feels super duper Oregon in a lot of ways.

fitzreiley

We gonna talk about Crater Lake, and Wizard Island and not mention the Old Man of the Lake?

The Old Man of the Lake is a log that floats around the lake. It is somewhat strange in that it floats vertically. It's roughly 30 feet tall, with only about 5 or so feet sticking out above the surface of the water. It was first 'offically' recorded in the early 20th century, though there are oral reports of it as far back as 1896 (and likely earlier still given the cultural importance of Crater Lake to the Klamath tribe of that area.

The Old Man should have rotted away long ago or at the very least become waterlogged and sank into the water fully, but nope. Over a hundred years, and there is this log still in the water just floating.

So y'know how I said the fact that it floats vertically was 'somewhat strange'? Let's get into some actual strange territory regarding the Old Man. It moves. Against the wind. It has been recorded moving in paths that do not make sense, never getting stuck on the shore of Wizard Island, nor the area of shore around the lake. Now that's strange.

So now let's get freaky: The free-floating Old Man posed a hazard to boats since it moves, and only a small portion of it was above water. (though personal boats are no longer allowed on the lake) Anyway, in 1988 a team was using a small submersible to explore the lake. The scientist figured it'd be a good idea to moor the Old Man near the coast of Wizard Island out of their way, for safety. So they tied some rope to it, to move the Old Man. As soon as they did so, the clear blue skies of a warm August day turned dark. The wind kicked up, bad, and it started to rain, then hail, then snow in the span of a few minutes...again in August. Now snow in that area is common, but not in the summer months. It gets super warm in that area in summer (like 70 to 90 degrees on average) So the scientists decided to nope the fuck out of the water, because of this freak storm. They unmoored the Old Man, preparing to get the fuck out of dodge of this summer snowstorm. As soon as the rope loosened and was in the water, as quickly as the storm had come on them, the darkened skies cleared and it was once more a fine sunny summer day.

As a kid, I spent my summers with my family who lives like... 40 some odd miles from Crater Lake National Park so I had this knowledge just kinda buried in my head somewhere.

bogleech

I excitedly added a thing about the old man before I checked the notes so now I'm gonna reblog this great story instead but here is the old man!!!

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"The Old Man floats vertically through the lake on a calm day"

"THE OLD MAN FLOATS. VERTICALLY. THROUGH THE LAKE ON A CALM DAY"

!!!!!!!!!!

headspace-hotel

Finally

Cryptobotany

crater lake wizard island old man cryptobotany i love this so much
megatraven
writing-prompt-s

You run a Bakery, just a normal bakery, the only problem is that your customers at midnight to 6AM are mythical creatures who pay with gemstones and ancient gold and silver coins

jazzybot4

“My guy, you are overpaying for your bread.” I tell the being in front of me, getting a hissed out sound that could be a laugh, could be a death rattle. There are six sourdough loaves on the counter, unbagged and still a little warm from the oven. It’s four-forty-five AM, and sunrise is in thirty minutes.

“Unless this is a trick coin that disappears when the sun rises.” I muse, looking down at the very suspicious *solid gold* coin sitting on my counter. It’s happened before. “I’ll go get the scale I guess.” I say, resigned, and head back to the office where I keep the box of jewelers-grade tools for this kind of thing.

If the coin is real, it certainly is heavy enough to be Significant. It’s nearly two ounces of solid gold.

“Look.” I say, sighing as I look up the days gold prices. “If I take this coin as a solid piece, *and* it’s genuine through a year and a day, I’ll take the value and set you up a tab so that you don’t have to pay every time. Human money isn’t worth as much as this any more, and it’s not fair to overcharge you for *bread*.” I tell it.

The coin is worth over five thousand dollars in modern human American currency. That’s absolutely going to be a pain to explain to the IRS.

A chittering sound like birds in the dark. Agreement, probably. Should be anyhow, my refusal to cheat anyone has been the reason these strange beings show up more and more often.

“So I can’t make change for this.” I tell the being. “I’ll add it to the Vault, get it appraised once I’ve got it authenticated, and in the meantime you can have as much bread as you want.” I say, and the bread vanishes into the things robes, to a very loud chirping storm that is silenced when the robes fall back into place.

“Pleasure doing business.” the being says in a voice that isn’t human, is very much *not* human and I don’t want to ask further. “We will return. The wild seed rolls are delightful.” it says in six different voices, and I grin and nod.

“Come back on Thursday.” I tell them. “I’ve been experimenting again, and I think the sunflower and pumpkin seed rolls are ready to go live. We’ve got the drop scheduled on instagram and tiktok!” I tell them, and they whistle a chirpy tune as they pull a cell phone out of nowhere and scan my code that I had etched into the counter so that I didn’t have to make business cards. Even the eldrich have smartphones these days, and it’s just easier to have something available that they don’t have to touch to get what they want, since some rules still say that they must offer something of equivalent exchange and cannot take gifts. Like a business card.

It’s not easy running a bakery, and nobody else will work the witching hours, but it’s a lot of fun. I’d had no idea that so many *interesting* beings also loved bread as much as I do. I turn from waving to the strange being, and I move to check out my next customer.

Who is absolutely not three gnomes in a trench coat. Absolutely not. That would be absurd. They want three sandwiches, three giant cookies, and three coffees. Can’t be three gnomes in a trench coat though.

The rubies they pay with are very pretty though, and I consider again how hard it would be to find a jeweler who didn’t ask questions. A ruby necklace would be a lovely way to turn the gems and gold into cash for the business account.

I reload the gnomes tab, and they leave with their sandwiches and coffee and cookies, and I throw in a pack of ginger snap cookies for them to try too, since they always leave me good reviews on the local facebook pages.

overgrown-ruins

@caffeinewitchcraft @ravensknowledge

caffeinewitchcraft

You were absolutely right to tag me in this, this is phenomenal! Fun and fresh and endearing! The gnomes in a trench coat has my cry-laughing after the day I’ve had. Thanks so much for sharing your writing @jazzybot4

i love this so much bakery gnomes eldrich birds fiction not my art